Silly things in Love ❤️

" Have you ever loved me?"

I used to wonder when all my kisses were discarded with a " Hmm"

"What does that even mean?"

It's alright... Maybe he is afraid.

" Did he really wish to see me?" 

I always wonder when all the selfies I sent him, gets ignored without a reply. ( Without even a reaction)

I don't know if I am fussing over silly things, but for me these silly things make my day.

The worst thing is that, getting ignored takes me back to my Manson of insecurities.

"God! Why am I even crying right now?"

I don't know, my heart feels so heavy 😔.

"Am I not worth loving?"

I wonder everytime he talks about his future that does not involve me.

My heart breaks into a million pieces whenever he mentions a future without an 'Us'.

 (Ok .... I am not throbbing now)

Maybe I don't deserve love. Or else why do all my efforts go unseen.

"Why I always feel myself as a flesh standing in front of him. Am I so ugly that he can't even look in my face ?"

Questions pile up one after another.

I could have just confronted him.

But I am not strong enough to accept the truth. Yeah I am a coward. 

When everyone buys gifts to their lovers, the only gift I wished for was some time to spend with him (in love not lust). Maybe the condition in the brackets is more important to me.

If he could feel my heavy heart

If he could see this tear soaked pillow....

Nevermind.... I am just unlucky. 😌

All I wish was someone to ask me about my day, ask me if I am alright, to care for me, to make me feel loved through these silly things and that's all.

I don't need any gifts all I needed was these silly things. 

I've got everything from this love, except love 😔.

4 years of waiting, I have gained nothing but a heavy heart which I try to forget every second, so that I can grab the courage to live another second.