THE TEACHER IN ME

  

    It was my first experience as a teacher. Though it was for a very short time, those days had awakened that teacher in me. 

     I always believed life is to be lived ( the actual living with happiness, freedom, energy, peace, friends, travel, music) but things changed, the day I step into this B.Ed. course. Honestly, I never ever wished in my life to study B.Ed. Yes! obviously family pressure. But I always loved my teachers and wished to be one some day. I still remember, me dreaming of working as a teacher in my own school while I was in my fourth grade. It was because I was a lot inspired by my teachers. But I've never imagined that I'd ever get a chance to work along with them. May be God has a plan.

    I hated my entire life after stepping into this B.Ed. course. To make it worse, my college was  a hell to me ( no offense intended). Once a christnagarian, always a christnagarian ( atleast for me ).  I don't know why my life was always bound to Christ Nagar.  School was my parent's choice and I respect it as, that laid the foundation for what I am now. Christ Nagar College was my choice where I joined after grabbing TC from an aided college where I got allotted. That was my life's best decision which made me what I am now. Gave a good friend circle, widened my thinking, turned my perspectives upside down and made me bold enough to stand for justice and independence. Since the pandemic washed away my Ivanios life, I've nothing worthy enough to mention. But I always believed, B.Ed. in Christ Nagar College of Education was my worst choice ever ,as it made me feel like a machine which I never ever wanted to be. The right kind of education is the one that makes you think. Atleast I believed so. But when I saw my college imposing stupid rules on each and every thing, I felt like my mind was being clogged by rules. But yeah! I survived an year. How can someone preach something and practice just the opposite? They teach us, in order to foster creativity, one should be provided a pressure free environment. But I was placed somewhere just the opposite. When I complain, they call me a whining little nerd. When I react to the injustices there, they ignore me saying there are bigger issues in this world. I even felt like dropping out from the course. (But God!  I love teaching). Christ Nagar School was the best thing that my college has ever done to me though unknowingly. Because my life changes from here. 

    First of all, B.Ed. life is hectic. I've always felt like a Bengali worker who literally dies to make both ends meet. Practice sessions in school wasn't any different. Work load was almost the same, or may be more. But thank God! We were far away from those strangling rules of the college. 

    I was just an average student in my entire life who barely got noticed. But my life back in school  changed everything. Being a teacher is like living a new life. It's like getting a new muse for a mind that was creatively sterile for so long (look at me! writing again after a long break). I think all my friends who are doing their practice teaching in various schools feel almost the same. Even from these three months, I had both bitter and sweet memories and experiences. But the best memories are those time I spent with my students (I seriously love these children). It's such a lovely feeling to see many faces that loves you, to hear their cute voices waving 'Hai's and 'bye's. I feel happy to be recognized for what I am atleast once in my lifetime. 

    Not all the classes are silent as you expect in a CBSE school, there are classes where I found it very difficult to teach which left me with no other option than to shout at them. But I am that kind of teacher who feels sorry for them once I finished firing and I apologize to them for the same. I even used to turn away and laugh in the middle of firing, when I hear their silly and innocent excuses. That is when I realize that I love them all a lot. I've never felt like they are my students, but more like a family. I see in them a reflection of my brother and myself at their age.  I learned almost everyone's name in the three classes where I have been teaching. Students always feel good and comfortable with  a teacher who recognizes them. They seem really happy when their teacher calls them by their name. I still remember the day when my favourite teacher called out my name, and the happiness that rushed through me when I realized that she had learnt my name and  recognized me. Thanks to all those microteaching and criticism classes.

    Now that I have only two more days left to complete my practice teaching. I have already started missing the school and my children. I was feeling so much frustrated that I decided to write it down.